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Frazzled to Funny

It is now one day away from one of the biggest holidays for entertaining in the year.

Nerves are getting frayed.

I, for one, am doing ok because I am not hosting this year. I am responsible for a green veggie dish (recipe still unknown) and a hostess gift, which is a nice breather. No matter how you slice this pumpkin pie, though, most folks are running around this week and getting more and more frazzled by the minute. Everyone is running at the same time, on the same roads and wanting the same things. When does everyone ever clamber for cranberry sauce? Now. And you’re bringing an extra guest? Do we have more folding chairs? I need pumpkin and I can’t find any more canned pumpkin! Oy.

There are two ways that you can judge the proximity of an approaching storm or holiday. Just go to the food store. If there are lines at checkout at night or the parking lot is filled to the edges, it’s dire and the clock is ticking.

You can also judge a holiday by the number of males in the food store. Go into any store on Thanksgiving morning and it will be swarming with men. All on cell phones, taking dictation and direction. “The parsnips are where in the store? How many do you need? What exactly does a parsnip look like, anyway??”. Not to be sexist, but that’s usually how it goes. More men in the stores, the holiday is near.

Tick-tock.

As I was in the store two nights ago (might be a new record…I think I have been in a food store every day in the past 5 days. You can shoot me now) and witnessed both of these monikers, THIS is the perfect time for a good dose of humor. And a stiff drink. In fact, THAT may be the best combination for any holiday. Doctor’s orders: Have a drink and a laugh and call me on Black Friday.

While this assortment of quotes may not have you doubled-over laughing, they probably will give you a giggle. And that’s a good place to start to hang on to your sanity…with white knuckles.

“Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence.“-Erma Bombeck

“I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.”-Jon Stewart

“Thanksgiving, man! Not a good day to be my pants.”-Kevin James

“Thanksgiving is an emotional time. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year. And then discover once a year is way too often.”~ Johnny Carson

“We are having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, we are having a swan. You get more stuffing.” -George Carlin

“Thanksgiving is a magical time of year when families across the country join together to raise America’s obesity statistics. Personally, I love Thanksgiving traditions: watching football, making pumpkin pie, and saying the magic phrase that sends your aunt storming out of the dining room to sit in her car.”-Stephen Colbert

And leave it to Mr. Carlin to just put it out there on the line in a way that only he could do (God love him)…

“Have you ever noticed that you never get laid on Thanksgiving? I think it’s because all the coats are on the bed.”

Did that work a little?

And before I forget…my 5 Gratefuls for today…simple ones…

1. Completion of our school Thanksgiving Basket project. Twelve families were helped out…what a feeling!

2. Seven and a half hours of fabulous, deep sleep last night. How delicious is that?

3. No kids squabbling for a good stretch of time. When those moments happen, they are golden. Ask any mom.

4. Having the luxury to chaperone my daughter’s field trip yesterday. It’s great to share these experiences with her!

5. A good book. Life of Pi is entertaining me at the moment.

Enjoy your day and hang on to that humor!

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2 thoughts on “Frazzled to Funny

  1. Ahhh, humour! Or, if I don’t laugh I might cry! Just keep breathing . . . and feeling the ‘tude (gratitude, that is:) Thanks, again A.

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