The holidays, as much as they are joyful, are also a quiet time.
Time to reflect on the year’s past happenings, time to think of those that we love, those who we would love to have sharing in our joy but who cannot, a time to consider the months and years ahead.
This week, the world-or at least my corner of it-is deafeningly quiet.
I was debating whether or not to mention the Sandy Hook shootings, which unfortunately happened in my part of the country. Part of me wants to seal my bubble of the world…not watch the tv, not listen to the reports, not even dwell too long on what really happened. But it’s impossible to do that and a huge part of me also feels that it is disrespectful somehow to want to shut it out of my mind. We want our walls to go up to somehow protect and insulate us.
As I drove to an errand yesterday morning, it was gray and raining. A raw, cold day. It struck me that the universe was crying. There is something in the air, something about how people were and are moving in their spaces.
On little cat feet….quiet.
We want to run away in our minds from this horrible event, but at same time we want to draw closer to those in our circles who are here with us. Keep them close, closer, closest. There is a raw need to connect.
My mind keeps playing one scenario over and over again. Those families of the lost children…it’s possible that someone in that group had a trying or stressful morning that day prior going to school, as happens from time time. Someone overslept, some child was not cooperating, someone was in a bad mood. We’ve all been there…rushing to school, annoyed at trying to get out of the house and anxious for the school day to begin so that we can all have our space.
And then the horror of horrors…that there is no do-over for the morning’s fumblings. There isn’t a chance to greet that child at the end of the day with a hug and to move on from the little annoyances that plagued the space hours earlier.
There is no do-over.
How do you live?
My heart hopes that all directly involved that day, by some grace, had parted ways with “I love you’s” and joy and nothing but goodness.
I loved hearing the story of the one little girl who so badly wanted to wear her new holiday dress and boots to school that day instead of waiting for Christmas Day. Her mom let her and didn’t insist that they be saved. The little girl went to school happy in her new outfit.
It’s like someone knew and some force was guiding that Mom to let her child have her way that day; as if someone knew it would be her last day.
Her Mom sent her off with joy.
Let’s send each other into today with joy.
And peace. And love.
And hope to reunite at the end of it.