That’s Some Pig

Name the book where that line appears. Ok, it’s an easy one. Charlotte’s Web. One of THE best children’s stories out there. Ever. Thank you E.B. White for creating such a loving, sweet and humorous tale. Did you see the movie of it that came out a few years ago with Dakota Fanning? I still think about it. It was perfectly done, or shall I say…That Was Some Movie. I honestly think I enjoyed it more than my kids did….they did at the time, but I’m the one still thinking about it.

Yes, I love Wilbur. Love all those quirky, silly farm animals but I also, and I hate to say it in the same sentence…I love bacon and ham. Terrible, terrible, I know. But I do. I’ve read so many books about farming and animals and oh my lorrd, the nasty stuff that goes on in the meat industry…but somehow, it all flies out the window when it comes to Da Pig. I seriously think I could give up red meat and certainly chicken, but to never have bacon again? Nope, couldn’t do it. I love Wilbur.

I stumbled on a weird factoid yesterday…get ready for this one…Bacon = cocaine or heroin in how it affects the brain. What? Apparently, much like those drugs, bacon overloads your brain pleasure centers and then requires more and more of it to become satisfied.

Well, well, well, Wilbur. You crafty little piggie. When I first read that I laughed and thought “Get OUT! LOLOL”. But then an eerie seriousness settled in and I thought….”OMG. They are right. Who ever has just one piece of bacon?” (and you know that you can never resist the lone piece on the plate with the paper towels…can’t throw that OUT!!” Nooooooo).

BEA here I come. Bacon-Eaters Anonymous. Or honestly, not so anonymous.

As we all bow to the Great and Powerful Wilbur, I give you a lovely and delightful recipe for an Easter Ham. A classic and for Easter, only a classic will do. Thankfully, it’s wonderful yet it apparently won’t send your guests scrambling into your kitchen and scrounging like addicts since it isn’t…well…bacon. Oink!

Baked Virginia Ham, courtesy of The Barefoot Contessa
*I know it’s short notice, but next year, order yours from Nueske’s in Wisconsin. Their meats are delicious, although unfortunately, I do not think they are organic.
**Serves 35 for dinner, 50 for cocktails. Translation: A great meal and leftovers up the yin-yang.

1 (14-16-pound) full cooked, spiral-cut smoked ham
6 garlic cloves
8.5 oz. Major Grey’s mango chutney
1/2 cup Dijon mustard
1 cup brown sugar, packed
zest of 1 orange
1/4 cup freshly squeezed orange juice

Preheat oven to 350. Place the ham in a heavy roasting pan. Mince the garlic in a food processor fitted with the steel blade. Add the chutney, mustard, brown sugar, orange zest, and orange juice and process until smooth. Pour the glaze over the ham and bake for 1 hour, until the ham is fully heated and the glaze is well-browned. Serve hot or at room temp.

(if you are using it for appetizers, make some homemade biscuits and serve little ham sliders…yum!)

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