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Pestilence, Pollen and Pound Cakes

Three things were in my head today (nooo, not just three things. Others, too. Fine.)….this is going to be one of those posts that is just all over the place. That kind of mood today.

1. The Cicada invasion, coming soon to an East Coast near you. Or more pointedly, me. I heard about it from a friend but then saw it on the nightly news and again on Facebook. Of the three, the friend is probably the most reliable source. Have you heard about this noisy fleet of flying creatures headed our way in the very near future?? These crazy cicadas, which I might add are no small bugs (these are like force-contestants-to-eat-them-or-get-booted-off-the-island big and meaty bugs), are about to wake from their 17-year underground slumbers, bore little holes in the ground near the bases of trees and invade our yards. That alone is a horrifying enough thought in my book…billions of insects coming UP out of the ground. AND to the tune of SEVERAL MILLION PER ACRE. I seriously think I’m going to be sick. Or freak out. Or both. This really is quite insane. Brood 2, as the group is called (are they a band?), will be appearing in about a month. Not the birthday gift I had requested. A spa day would be great. A nice cake. Some lovely flowers. Hold the billions of bugs.

We’ve had killer hurricanes, bizarre snowstorms, an asteroid hit and now a surge of singing critters. Might be time to read the writing on the wall, folks.

2. Allergies. Again, what is UP with the East Coast this year? I’ve never had a sniffle in my life during allergy season. I’m a spring baby, for pete’s sake. I was born in a sea of pollen. This year, however, I’ve had headaches where my teeth have ached (nothing can make you feel more aware of your skeletal structure than when several areas ache at once, like you are connecting dots on a map), I’ve been sniffling for about two weeks and my throat is just not a happy place these days. I heard something about an 8000+ pollen count, whatever that means exactly. Must translate to “BAD, on both the meteorological and sinus scales. I pointedly did a shoulder-stand today in yoga, as I recently read that being inverted is good for sinus issues. Gets things moving all around and keeps it all from clogging. How gross. Local honey is key too, I’ve heard, and I’m going to start slugging it like no one’s business. Unless the cicadas fly off with it.

3. I saw a ridiculous video on one of the morning shows today. It was video footage from a convenience store shooting. No worries, it’s a miraculous story. The footage shows a worker just ambling by the camera-zone with some kind of rolling, grocery store pallet, then he hears shots and hits the floor, trying to dive to safety. Poor guy is on the floor, probably with his life flashing before his very eyes and what happens next? A pound cake from the counter above falls and lands-KA-PLOP! squarely on his noggin (reducing me to laughter) and then he DOES get hit with a bullet and you see him checking out the hole in this shirt…but then he discovers that the metal  (you know the little C-shaped piece?) on his belt-buckle, this narrow piece of cheap metal…STOPPED the bullet! And there it was, stuck in the metal. One more millimeter to the North and it would have been in his gullet. Technically, he was probably more injured from the falling pound cake than the bullet. The preservatives in it alone could have knocked him out. I’ve been giggling about this stupid pound cake all day.

Hope you all had a great day, everyone. Sorry the post was so late.

Life is odd and oddly amusing sometimes!

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